The satirical Borowitz Report is reporting that Mitt Romney is currently huddled with his advisors considering a “bold strategy” of a high profile extra-marital affair in order to compete on more equal terms with former speaker of the house Newt Gingrich, who has blown past Romney in the latest polls.
Here is the report which you can also read at The Borowitz Report.
CONCORD, NH (The Borowitz Report)– Troubled by his fading poll numbers, former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney is considering a bold strategy to reboot his Presidential campaign: engaging in a high-profile extramarital affair.
At a press conference in Concord, New Hampshire today Mr. Romney confirmed that he was consulting with senior advisors about the best way to proceed with an inappropriate relationship.
“Republican voters have sent the message that they want to vote for an adulterer and I have heard them loud and clear,” he said. “I promise that I will engage in a world-class extramarital affair that will make all of us proud again.”
According to one senior advisor, the Romney campaign was already holding focus groups and conducting special polling to determine the best person with whom Mr. Romney should conduct his extracurricular dalliance.
And in a sign that Mr. Romney is taking precipitous action to find an object for his adulterous intentions, today his campaign launched a new dating site, SexyTimeWithMitt.com.
But according to one female visitor to the site, Mr. Romney’s nascent career as a would-be lothario is still very much a work in progress: “When I first went on the site and he listed ‘tougher border control’ as one of his turn-offs, and five minutes later it was a turn-on.”
Still, an aide to Mr. Romney maintains that the former Massachusetts governor has “the right stuff” to be a world-class adulterer: “In the focus groups, the two words we kept hearing over and over again were ‘wooden’ and ‘stiff.’”
Year of the Spy Book Trailer
Above is the Year of the Spy Book Trailer — for my upcoming non-fiction book about espionage upheavals on the streets of Moscow in 1985.
Below is a “trailer” showcasing the writing and video services I provide to clients.
Michael Sellers — Writing and Video Services
- How to help save American Democracy this election year
- What the Mueller Report Actually Says
- Remembering James Blount, an American Who “Got” the Philippines in 1901
- America the Beautiful? You Mean America the Pitiful. I Am Ashamed
- Betty White, National Treasure, Just Turned 95; 10 Great Video Clips from 1954 until Now